hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
