Already got asked if we're dating
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
