you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
