I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
