i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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