Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
