i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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