Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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