thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize