so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
