I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
