he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Green mimosas i think yes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
