bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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