I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize