i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
