Tell her she can't have a vagina
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
