I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
