I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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