Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
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