Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
