You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
