it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
