i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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