There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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