Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
