Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
