I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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