If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
