You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
