Umm I'm too high to move.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
