i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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