T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
