I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
