Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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