I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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