he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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