thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
