I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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