Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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