i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
