we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
