you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
