when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
