so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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