she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
