So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
