Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
