Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
