After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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