Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
