Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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