I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
