WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He passed out mid-signature
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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