you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
