who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
