Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize