you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
