Got a toothbrush?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
