Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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