I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
