he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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