You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
