when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
