Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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