I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
