I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
