Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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