Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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