how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
