My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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