How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
