My liver just broke up with me...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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