I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
