just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
