Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
