she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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