roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
