I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
