dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
