i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
