i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
