Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
