I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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