I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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