I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
