So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
