do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
