How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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