forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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