the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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