I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
