Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My life is pants optional.
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