Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
