But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
