i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize