Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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