this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
