Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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