Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
