why didn't you poke me back
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize