No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
