My first STD was from a foam party
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
