You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
