yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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