I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
