Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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