Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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