I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize