Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
