Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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